While people may have found something has gone wrong - then guess what.
The other side somehow played it back in reverse, I still pretty much fucked. Let me summed it up for how I feel in the last couple of years and you will see why.
You will also see that I may be somehow a bit different than the group, within the group.
And ended up I am also being targeted for something that I don't really belong, even I do support that side, does not equate to me being on their side or not.
Scenario | GOD/ M-DIMENSIONS/ UNIVERSES Spectrum | Me (Real) | Me (Other good) | Me (Other "Unknown"?) | What You See |
Day Dot to ...... | Doesn't matter anymore. The Karma Effect is real - and it hasn't happened yet - the real karma happens when I am dead. | I work at the bank (10y+ experience) as Chapter Lead in data analytic, product manager in Home Lending Product Management.......the experience is real, people are real, I don't get special treatment, being told with nothing (from that regards). Just like a scape goat waiting to be fall. Or being able to do what I do later on, because I am not being told? I think the reason to do this (never be able to be mainstream, because of stigmatism in society. E.g. Like I am gay, back in the days, I think it is less martketable, or appealing to some of the groups (probably still are). | Some of "them" may be hard on me, but never gone too far. Perhaps it is also the right time, to start difficult, so when the shit hits the fan, it becomes easier (when the extra difficulty is lifted), to go back to normal. | I think some may even call them "sword" or "shield" or "mirror". My reward was normal, to my work, it was never anything extra, plus in the end, all taken away, and I kept - literally nothing. 20years + in Melbourne, only be left with suitcases, no real asset. | Who knows |
All changed | As above | Even when I lost my job, still good. | Unsure | Who knows | Someone else doing the good, me (real), bad? I am sure they didn't think my job was real, somehow they thought I am not real.... |
All changed again | As above | Even when I lost my job, still good. | Unsure | Who knows | All of a sudden, my contribution all became someone else. What was meant to be remedy for me, probably gone to somewhere else, that end up nothing for me? Do I ever get rewarded? Some maybe tried to fix the situation (right thing to do, so I don't suffer from losing everything and left with no money to myself), probably ended up useless. |
As above | I see myself as good still. | I feel like being used e.g. full responsibilities that I don't understand, but ended up being used by other, because it wasn't my decision to start with... Feels like my restaurant all over again, only that is actually my life this time. I guess the same advice applies, "lose it quickly" and say "goodbye".... | |||
Heaven | The final 2 weeks / 3 weeks, somehow I received (from people) being nice to me, which I don't understand why. Things were like this before, so what changed? Part of me thinks, is it a way of them being nice? as a apology? Or simply to undo the long term "differences"? But if it is such a nice gesture, then why do I still feel sad? Is it because I am still being a puppet, only be given and nothing much to myself? That isn't how I should live, at least not without financial freedom. I hate to beg for things, and ended up doing more this week, I don't think I do that a lot, or perhaps it would be quite negligible in terms of $ value, mostly 50 to 150, it rarely goes above anyway, compared to what I loss and what I am battling with. | Untitled | Even when I am operating under normal environment, things are still taken away from me. I am now reduced to not even a normal human being. When I do same or more, I get less, or get wiped out. |
All points to dying - and so I walked the journey - only at the last minute, finding hope and the extra needed to extend my life again. It is another example, of talking about actual death, and being real to it, to myself, and because of that, finding hope to live is one way of saving lives, and at least, this way, we don't need to blanketly telling someone not to go through it (which is still a chance to have a good outcome?!), to be fair (either way could guarantee a living / survive anyway)....
But at least I know, the other way, is listening from that person, not telling them as coward / ill / burdening others / hurting others, it may not well be that case! Believe it or not, I probably have spent more time on this decision than others, especially many considerations are for others, their experiences through my eyes, why is it happening to them, is there something that I could do to make things better, even when I don't know the reason why and how. Experienced a lot of random adversity events personally, and somehow keeping an innocent eye to continuing balancing considerations from other's perspectives was hard enough, finding the opposite within the worst was much harder, I wouldn't be able to find it unless I truly go through it till almost the very end. It means the decision leading to it, wasn't taken lightly, and therefore I can only ask for your respect not to belittle it. It is also ended up the dual end of spectrum together - happening literally together, so that the "middle ground" is realised and gained. Instead of looping - at least this time, the bridge connected, and allow it to move it back towards the start / causation / new or allowing reconsidering solutions - so we don't need to go through that horrible time again.
PS: Maybe today + future finally is going to be amazing! Even the past gets some understanding too. It is good.... better, best! How about including happiness too?
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