239 - A Story Of The Unspeakable - Princess of China / Kansas City / A Million Years Ago & CH.......
- CT
- 22 hours ago
- 3 min read
I think my ex-step dad once mentioned "Ich weiss sowas gibt kein preis"...... in his painting.
When I was younger, I couldn't decipher the meaning behind it, and how he felt when he was painting those. Time goes by and then all of a sudden, it all came back to me, and I felt the deeper meaning of them. The battle between love and pain, the endurance, desire and plus way more, the story that somehow hidden to the world, and can only be expressed by hints.
Regardless, it is indeed priceless, at least for his own experience, the journey through the time spent with someone memorable. Love still can exist beyond / post / before marriage.... what it looks like though - I guess everyone is different, one could only experience it and maybe that is what true love(s) are like....
As of today, so much is going through my mind, and regardless what's happening in the future, I think a dedicated thank you to my mum is warranted at this point. Her life isn't exactly "easy" as others may have pictured, pretty like me, the hidden struggle is hardly ever shown or told. Some may think of Chanel's, which is pretty surface level and I will explain more later...
But first, imagine those royals, what do we see them as? Would that be like figureheads, dressed properly in the eyes of public? I noticed some may even accuse them of all sorts of things, and produce little/no value?! But I believe in something different, at least I could say my mum's journey isn't that "normal" anyway, a lot of struggles that I can only starting to understand much later in life. I remembered when I was younger, I blamed her for my journey, and pretty much she had the same moments too, blamed me for ruining her life (as she was younger too)..... just like me, I believe we were not told by others of what we are, and the purpose in this life, we had to figure out ourselves and what it means to others.
In hindsight, if she didn't attempted her suicides when I was a child, then I also wouldn't be able to "acknowledge" / "understand" the superpower around me that guided me throughout life..... E.g I was a heavy sleeper when I was a child, literally nothing could wake me up. But I did so on the night she attempted suicide automatically... and somehow helped saving her in the process?! Then there was also intuition to check on her in the bathroom which is completely out of ordinary, and then called the ambulance.... There are also times to figure out ways to reduce damages from pills related suicide.... One thing to call out, when I was a child, internet wasn't commonly accessed through mobile, there wasn't any online research available during emergency, I wasn't trained to do any of this and yet somehow be able to perform that correctly?! Could it be the spirit in me? Who knows.... but at least she is alive.
I always wonder how other people see her, and compared to me, is it similar, same or different?!
One thing she does tell me, is when she is gone, I will get her personal belongings, I always say I don't really care about them, as they are just sentimental value things... speaking of Chanel.... she got plenty of them, but why would I want to keep them (for myself) right?! If I have to pick something memorable - then I would go for the pearl watch, it isn't anything particularly expensive, but it is something that will always remind me the time when she is around, I think Diana also had the same watch at that time.... so it isn't too generic either. Furthermore, for me, Chanel's history and the underlying "unspoken" values, worth way more than what can be easily seen..... pretty much like the royals, I don't think most would really understand what they go through and what they truly represent..... and that is "Ich weiss sowas gibt kein preis" - This is why I didn't translate this phrase.... I could only use example for this phrase....
PS: Thinking not just myself, indeed your world too. One world.
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