#XXX - Last Couple Of Songs

Adrenaline	Homeward	Lessons
Perfect	Twist Of Fate	Big Big World
Beautiful	Carry You Home	Don't Let Me Be The Last To Know

After all these fights, I realised it wasn't my skills or even luck per se. It is like an invisible wall that I can't get through. I even dropped my wallet today, luckily it was found, but the cash inside was gone. It is probably my last chance of hope, gone... The timing couldn't have aimed any better, right after a nice person turned.... it may not mean a lot to others, or even to him, but somehow I couldn't have fake all those "experiences" & "memories"... those moments of magic could not have planned... especially when I couldn't have done it alone.

What hurts the most in my life, probably the feeling of being accused of something that I didn't do. It isn't just one or two items, but I feel like it's the whole journey.... my whole life.... maybe this is the exact reason why the invisible wall was there. It wasn't really for someone like me, but ended up that way...

It is almost weird that I don't feel sad, or perhaps I am not sure how I feel deep down. It is also new to me, in a very complex way. For some strange reasons, it feels like an end of a cycle. I guess it is quite close to Easter.... and I also wonder if it is anyone's birthday coming up soonish....He always said, "I am still alive unfortunately." - If I do end up going too, I guess it would be less lonely in the journey hey? And perhaps CDG did mean something, I remembered had that in 2022, it is a year full of "unusual". Moved into a new place, had my heart split into a couple pieces. For some people I guess - it is like a relationship never ends, from one form to another.... That year, I drew a Christmas tree, I also died a few times (figurative speaking). I never regretted loving someone who is never there too. I just hope that weren't too many miscommunications between me and them. I often wonder if they really misunderstood me, or was it something else meddling? And if things are straightforward, then why do I also have gone through many times when they said / mumbled something I don't understand or out of the norm?

But regardless, I think I treasure those little moments very much... Even just a pizza night...

Even just a cupcake, even just a dinner...I feel like those are outside of a scripted destiny and made a difference in many ways...But just like the usual - our time has always been limited..... It is always something else... It is always another priority.... It is always something before me...

And if life is a mirror, I wonder if my time is also limited in that regards.... if that is the case, I wonder when it will stop.... and whether there would be any warning signs that we care to acknowledge....

The post ACTS 1 - 40 DAYS was one of my larger post, you wouldn't believed that I finalised it on 24 May 2024. It is one of a kind (3x3), featuring 9 videos... It also marked one talented artist - Avicii, who died on 20 Apr 2018, I guess it is kinda strange to be 9 days away from that (just a coincident). The special bit for this year, is that it is also 9 days away from Easter Sunday... And I just realised this is another way of marking 999.... All of a sudden, I too feel a bit numb from everything else. I guess this is probably a very heavy post and part of me, wish it will never be published, especially when this post is actually post 199... and hence I marked it XXX instead.

-- Updated --

Somehow after I put up all the video.... The middle column became CTH....(upside down or bottom up)... Life is just like this.... that simple. I promise I didn't notice it beforehand!

I remembered that morning, as I played one of the song above, Job 3:26 sort of jumped into my mind. It wasn't completely random, as it was also reminded by one of the TV series that I watched that day. In the end, it reminds me of the key ring from someone, then I also made a set of keyrings (one circle one, and one rectangle one). If there was something like destiny, that is probably it and what it feels / looks like. Too many coincidences collided into something that I can't explain.