Last week was a blur. Supposed to meet and end up nothing. It is just full of shit happening and nothing eventuate. If this is life, I am sure something or someone is meddling it so bad that wanting me to kill myself. It is like no matter what I do, I couldn't get out of this tragic. So now I just lock myself in and hopefully feeling better soon. With limited money, I don't even have the basics, barely have enough for cigarettes - let alone other things that I do need, like traveling etc. Never mind, I sleep - hopefully I get to skip a few days of torture.
When fun is taken out of one's life, what else is there? Surprisingly I remember the year before, last year, no matter where I go, it seems to be having a "burn", even like a gas leak. Then it is up to me to tell someone, fix it up, so nothing happens. Why is it like this. Is it telling me that I should finally give up, the next time when I encounter a gas leak, maybe I will embrace it, just let it take me away from this cruel cruel world. Do I just patiently wait - will it happen?
Starting the countdown? Where does it start? Remember I said I may not be able to live past 37? Is this why? Only a few weeks away, but each week gets harder and harder. How can we end this tragic for me? How do I get all the things that I need to live? It is not like I don't work, but the fact that even after I work, mysterious things happened to take it all away from me. I am stuck in a never ending maze, running around with my own energy, getting so exhausted and no one could help. Do you give up or not? Maybe it is time to rewatch Maze-Runner for some insights. Evil clowns? Yeah last night I was wondering if I should start watch Chucky! Why? I found this society to be as random as crazy nuts running the town now. Just like young kids are stabbing each other even when they are what under 14yo? with no prior history of violence.... how? Might as well be chucky - at least I know what to deal with when I see one.
PS: Yes - Dog - ticked, Perfume - ticked, Burn - ticked, Toilet - ticked....... so did I come up with this all by myself? Impossible. All others contributed to it, to make this the right time to mention it.
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