Maybe I won't have enough time to explain it all, or enough resources to live the life I am supposed to live, so that I can explain it further. Or maybe I am being relief, if this is the case, I am glad that the responsibility is removed from me... I am finally ready to go, and no longer need to feel the sadness / anger within me.
Right this moment, I wonder if people realised that we already got it all, and yet some still refused to accept our differences and somehow wanting others continue with the divisions… thinking somehow it leads to a better place. But if they stop for a moment and look at the history, pretty much there are examples everywhere. All you have to do is to look back in time… and you may find the destruction may exactly come from what you previously wished for.
My life wasn’t exactly easy, and so did my mum. Even if this can be a replay, like history repeating itself, the theme (challenges) don’t seem to change. I wouldn’t know how we could ever do it better in a younger self (she had me when she was pretty young, like 18?) and I think she also experienced similar shit when she was growing up… I couldn’t even imagine how everything can even be completed successfully with even less time available, with less understandings from others and more restrictions in life… this is another wakening moment for me, and solidify my view on a couple things in my life… If I did end up dying, it may be a true “justice” for both of us, because whatever is coming, pretty much will remind others of the world did have it all, but couldn’t find us anymore…
I was seven, or eight years old and something woke me up during my sleep to save her. That was during the time where things are still “normal”. I couldn’t have imagined how to do that if I was even younger… If I was a baby, would I still be able to do that? Or if I wasn’t able to save her, what would it mean, to us, to others, to the world? Would it be a better story?
If there was something that I haven’t tried in life, is having a time where I truely have money, to do things that I need to do, being able to enjoy freedom and not to worry as much and…. I hate the fact that I have to deal with everything alone with very limited support…. Now if you relook at the video, was she alone during the fight, even if she was strong…. Would you still blame her not being able to defend everything and she “ought” to be stronger?
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