One thing I know - If I never say it or write it down somewhere, then it wouldn't be right.
I remembered I was once accused by my mother for something. I knew I didn't do that, but she was so convinced that I did. I didn't know where she got that idea from, but it made it really strange. I ended up just swallowing it, as denying it would be quite useless at that point in time. After sometime, the conversation came up again, and that was a time where my mum learnt what "Deep Fake" can do and it is often something we don't ask ourselves enough.
With the increase of social engineering, scams, phishing, and a million of other things we "now" require to "understand" and to protect ourselves. It becomes real and perhaps exhausting. But before that "shit" can be removed in real life, I wonder if there was a simple trick to do, so similar things won't happen to them.
So let's dial back to the incident with my mum... I never really got to the bottom of the whole thing because it is not pleasant, and trust was impacted as a result of it. That is coupled with when life is already stressful, defensive mechanism flares up etc... pretty much a recipe for destroying human relationship if it prolongs or expands. Then I realised that my life, have some of those examples - often not easy to explain through conversation, so naturally, it is not something that I would bring up. But at least now I know this site can help me to write it down somewhere, so hopefully, someone else can help fixing it down the track, or to capture what I did to help with my situation, which hopefully can be applied to others.
I won't need to go with the specifics but general themes should be enough, these are my observations, feelings and may well be included with my personal bias / assumptions but it was real to me:
I wonder if the purpose or intend (whether things done to me or my mother), was designed to remove trust, or to distant any relationship, or to create unnecessary conflicts.
Triggers - you may find triggers in life, that may throw you off guard.
It is designed to make you feel vulnerable. Scared. Filled with conflicts or conflicting information. Confused in terms of picking what is the right thing to do.
One thing I do like to call out is that, most of the time, it is something that I have no ability to find out whether it is true or not. It is like adding invisible weight on you, slowly until you can carry no more and breakdown.
It will be real in a sense that it is designed to trigger a rush element, means time is limited, so extra stress is added. Like forcing a rapid decision etc.
Then self doubt inevitably kicks in, with real hesitation and the spiral effect continues.
I remembered clearly my emotions were filled with fear / anger / distrusted.
The worst is probably no proper channel to release this properly (as I mentioned above, it is something you generally won't talk about and too long to through as a casual conversation without raising alarm bells).
If there was a hidden bad person, they would be so far removed from the picture. It is unlikely to be those encounters that you see, or even know. It is like the hidden layer behind the audiences in a theatre. Maybe it is just hiding behind the curtain even.
Imagine seeing your love one is hurt, or may be hurt, or for whatever reasons, can't say it or could communicate in a way that you can understand. This is pretty shit right. To those people you love, you know they love you too, regardless. So the benefit of the doubt, be calm, try to find different ways to communicate that works for both may help. I even tried "stop communicating" - because I know she would be just as upset if the conversation goes sour and ended up hurting both of us. But at least this way I could tell her, I am stopping this conversation, because I love you and that "untalkable" reason, or whatever made you believed, can't get to me through you. I wonder if this similar to a hostage scenario, which is annoying. Decision remains the same, options too. But the extra burden is removed (at least slightly), when "I don't need you to save me, just do the right thing and whatever you think is best" is called out, I guess this is usually the bitch slap scene takes over and the phone get cut off.
PS: God didn't speak to me with words (eg sound/hearing). I am not saying that it can't, but if it could, I am sure it is not safe (in terms of knowing who is who). I wonder if this is why devil speaks and poet writes, and angels sing. I think there is also a line that, whether that speech was designed to be "directive", "forceful", "confusion based", having more questions doesn't mean unhealthy, being challenged is ok too and many more factors... but being able to snap out of that situation as quickly as possible, is already a remedy.
Know your personal boundaries, and start believing in yourself more. If you don't like it, say it :P If someone ever hold me as hostage, nah... I don't hear your heavenly speech (because it should never be UNCOMFORTABLE) and I definitely haven't been taught devil's language? I am on Earth mate, not dead yet. So leave your deadly spill when I am dead. Oh but I will make sure I haunt the fuck out of you.... And in terms of science, of course, frequency is a great song, have you heard it before? Even X-Men can turn a stressful night to a moderate weekend with popcorns and a couple of martinis (you pay). But I still suggest Clarity for tonight. I am sure I can use some of it.
Let's end it with less heavy tone: The devil is wearing angel costume, speaking in devilish language. It is kinda off putting. The worse is the same and sing the song. So what does the good ones do? Good angels, wear devil costume and sing heaven in hell. What does it look like, circus. clowns. When they remove their costume, you instantly know which is which.... oops!
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