Today was way too heavy... Not mainly because of you, but I guess I am just drowning in this shit life, while observing more shit to come in... At times, I think it is the numbness / emptiness inside of me that kills. People may not even recognise the issue, so long I continue to put on my regular smile and pretend life is just fine. For some, I choose not to pretend, so they may get the raw version of me. At times, it is possibly like covered in darkness, sadness and they ma

In my life - I think I've been told about "changing"... while I think changes are generally good, there are other areas in my life, the resulting effect just ends up with no change. E.g. It isn't that I haven't considered what others have said, I too have analysed various feedback and then balancing it with what I know, what I believe in, filtering external input with logics / understandings etc.... and the end result just ended up with no change, like to continue with my way

Is this real enough? What if this scenario was exactly experienced first hand? You know who you are... I didn't need to say more than this. So this post is just as short as this - so unreal but so true. Is it just a dream? Yes, and were you there? Yes. Both of us. So is it just a dream?

Can someone feel like they have wings? Obviously it would be more metaphorical speaking, or maybe invisible to naked eyes, deep within the soul.... who knows right? At this point, I don't think I am crossing any line here, especially on my personal blog, or perhaps even able to talk to friends about that (who knows). Instead of both wings, I often think whether there could be possibility of clipping one, similar to Endless Sorrow (this post), probably still better than losing

I don't know why this is the right time for today. I found myself jumping from Blossom (DK), to When I Get There (P), Stars (T) and then Rhythm (CS) and then You Found Me (TF). I have so much to say, but I don't even know where to start. Right this moment - Pretty much alone, with my heart and love somewhere else, money is down to almost nothing, and still trying to................ But this isn't right for way too long, I wonder how long will I be able to last like this. I re

What does this video remind you of? Up to this point, I still quite haven't been able to figure this out. My life is pretty much still in chaos, distanced from pretty much everyone and everything else... I don't really know what is there for me tomorrow.... AB/CD/CD - this is what this video was directed by. There is just a familiar feeling that comes to me and a sense of feeling that everything is fine - in place and where everything is supposed to be... even within the dark

At this point, and coupled with the last post, and since it is also translated in English. I really don't need to say more I think. What I need to add was, I didn't understand this song better, until today... If you did say pick me up, I wonder what happened. I just hope that you are ok. I just wish that I am ok too. How long can I last like this, after the extreme effect? Picking up more cigarette butts? Go stealing? Or has things been better, or will be better if I just wai

I said it out loud today - it better be available right before me - as I won't go looking for it today..... Let's see what other will do. For the previous Q&A, it appears it answered me what Go go, means. As soon as I hear that song, I got my answer. I also noticed the clock in this video, pretty much aligns with the current time and date, 12:24pm 16/12/24. Oh well...

I have listened this song over and over, and today it gave me a new meaning, but where do I start? From when? This post, is probably an extension to "When I Get There". And this reminds me, that whatever I do in this life, it may not have the full meaning at the start, then later on, at least allowing me (myself) to understand something bigger..... can I fully explain it? Not at the start, and even now, I am not sure if I got it all, but certainly more than what I could from

appears M A Song for xx It has been quite an interesting couple of days, filled with heavy emotions and random incidents, some of them probably not as good as it could be.... but I would like to think it is already a better outcome, despite in a less than ideal situation... Someone said to me recently that being alive....... perhaps it is true in a way, at least there is still a chance for changes. In this dark tunnel without light, sometime the little wander appears that is

The Flight Zucchero,Ronan Keating How people see, what people do, things can be very different, this is why even when location is different. Each time something is change, there is a ripple effect. Some big, some small. I have always said to myself that for those I love, they are who they are, they aren't someone that can be substitute (in my own life). It is like a plane, if I am the fuselage itself, right in the middle, connecting the wings and those who are important attac

Maybe I won't have enough time to explain it all, or enough resources to live the life I am supposed to live, so that I can explain it further. Or maybe I am being relief, if this is the case, I am glad that the responsibility is removed from me... I am finally ready to go, and no longer need to feel the sadness / anger within me. Right this moment, I wonder if people realised that we already got it all, and yet some still refused to accept our differences and somehow wantin

I found it intrigued to the point that I am speechless. I wasn't alone when I revisited my Avicii's post yesterday, then my intuition sort of led me to the music video of Heaven, feat. Coldplay Chris Martin. I always thought there was some meaning for the aircraft registration number in that video, and never really understood it until yesterday, I think I suddenly got a glimpse of it. It was heavy in a sense, and we all carried it and it is never easy. Fast forward to today -

This song jumped into my mind today as I was exploring what Holy Spirits could mean.... Apparently in one potential source it mentioned: An alternative view is that the seven graces ("charisma") of Romans 12:6–8 reflect the seven spirits of God. The Holy Spirit manifests in humankind through these graces, reflecting the seven spirits of God. The seven graces are: 1. insight (prophecy); 2. helpfulness (service or ministry); 3. instruction (teaching); 4. encouragement; 5. gener

Do you remember a song about counting I I I I | in the sky? This is actually the first time/day I hear about this song, and instantly it made sense, to me at least. I am quite certain that it will also be resonate with a lot of other people. The funny thing about fate, destiny is, it is not completely "fixed" per se, but it is meant to be, it is fluid and yet the outcome, most likely becoming the same with "time". So what does it mean? Do we just give up? No, it means from A

If you have been following my site, you may notice this is actually like a ...... pre-warning system. It is like my mini me from other universe is warning me, so that something can be prevented. Some may say, is it a make-believe, something that is done, to make it happen? Not anymore.... After recent virgin fire, "bird strike", you can say ok, still can be man-made in off chance... but when it is coupled with me selecting a movie, and watch it based on my own choice and timi

Last week was a blur. Supposed to meet and end up nothing. It is just full of shit happening and nothing eventuate. If this is life, I am sure something or someone is meddling it so bad that wanting me to kill myself. It is like no matter what I do, I couldn't get out of this tragic. So now I just lock myself in and hopefully feeling better soon. With limited money, I don't even have the basics, barely have enough for cigarettes - let alone other things that I do need, like t

Have you ever imagined why there was a saying that God is a gambler? Some will win, some will lose. It is just part of life right? So is there any science behind it? E.g. Could a person really be born lucky? or unlucky? How about a person, half of the life being unlucky, and suddenly changes for the other half? Is life itself a gamble? I guess gambling isn't the issue, but what if somehow, somewhere a game of chance, somehow ended with 0% to win. That seems to be against the

All of a sudden, the colour scheme makes sense for me. Never really understood fully for this video and today it is a bit clearer. I feel like I've now so close to the edge, and fighting the battle alone, it wouldn't be fair to drag anyone into this battle too... so I can understand why people may walk away from it. In the end, who else? If I didn't want to overload anyone with this heavy shit - then is it just me that I can rely on? I still don't have the answer... some say

For those who know me - would have noticed that the featured image is quite similar to what I just got updated... I didn't know until I watched this video today... so interesting. Even I was kicked to the dirt when I am at my lowest - even when I wish to be dead. Wait for it.... how ever much the pain, how ever much the cost.....in the end, I might want nothing from it. Because then, I would be gone. No more suffering. Who knows how to repay even if you wanted to do so.... 20